What's my Gay Line


Inspired by a Joe.My.God Blog.

What’s my gay line: Or, Memorable one liners for the "light-in-the-loafers" Crowd. (It's a long list, but even a quick look will tell you how gay you are. There are TWO glaring errors here how long will it take you to find them...)

Mommy Dearest:
"Tina! Get me the axe"
“No… wire… HANGERS!”
"Trust you to know where to find the boys AND the booze."
"I'm not one of your FANS!"
“Tear down that BITCH of a bearing wall and put a window where it OUGHT to be.”
“Is this an institution of learning or a teenage brothel?”
“You are not getting up from this table until you have finished that meat.”
"Nobody ever said life was fair Tina. I'm bigger and I'm faster. I will always beat you."
"I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt"
“Oh yes, it was thrilling. I'm so grateful to you all... my WONderful fans, who made me a star.”
“Why must EVERYTHING be a CONTEST?”
“You are bad, bad spoiled children.”
“You love it, don't you? YOU LOVE TO MAKE ME HIT YOU.”
"Don't fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo."
“SCRUB, Christina. SCRUB!”

Steel Magnolias:
"My colors are bashful and blush "
“Pink is my signature color.”
“When it comes to pain and suffering, she's right up there with Elizabeth Taylor.”
“This is it, I've found it, I'm in hell.”
"What separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize."
“A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.”
“Oh! He's a real gentleman! I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he PEES in it!”
“The nnicest thing I can say is: all her tattoos are spelled correctly.”
“All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.”
“Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marchin' across your face.”
"I'm pleasant. Damn it!"
“I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair.”
“Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!”
"You are evil, and you must be destroyed."
"I'm not as sweet as I used to be."
"Drink your juice, Shelby."
“I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years"

The Women:
"The only things you have in your refrigerator are cobwebs and a bottle of gin"
“When anything I wear doesn't please Stephen, I take it off..”
“You simply must see my hairdresser, I DETEST whoever does yours.”
“Let's begin with posture. A lady always enters a room erect.”
"Oh l'amour, l'amour."
“Them big, strong, red-headed men... they're fierce!”
“Get me a bromide - and put some gin in it.”
“Chin up. Right, both of them.”
"And where does it get you? ...On the train to Reno"
“Jungle RED!”
"Our one piece foundation, zips up the back and no bones!"
"Where I spit no grass grows ever."
"There's a word for you ladies, but it isn't used in proper society… outside of a kennel."
"He could crack a walnut with those legs, if he could get them together"

The Lion in Winter:
"We're a knowledgeable family."
“My life, when it is written, will read better than it lived.”
"Well, what family doesn't have its ups and downs?"
"Don't look sullen dear, it makes your eyes small and piggy, and your chin weak."
"Let's strike a flint and see."
“We could tangle spiders in the webs you weave.”
“He had a mind like Aristotle and a form like mortal sin.”
"Henry's bed is Henry's province, he can people it with sheep for all I care... "
"I'd hang you from the nipples. But you’d shock the children"
“Mother's tired. Come stick pins tomorrow.”
“I'm vilifying you for God's sake - pay attention!”
“Don't fret. We'll wait until you're dead to do it.”
“A woman out of legend. Not in Alexandria, or Rome, or Camelot has there been such a queen!”
“So! The royal corkscrew finds ME twisted?”
“I marvel at you, after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody.”
“I could peel you like a pear and God himself would call it justice!”
"Of COURSE he has a knife, he always has a knife, we all have knives! It's 1183 and we're barbarians!!"
“But the troops were dazzled."
"I SLEPT with your father, he was gorgeous! I can still FEEL his arms around me!"

All About Eve: (The Mother load)
"You're too short for that gesture."
“A situation PREGNANT with possibilities and all you can think of is everybody go to sleep.”
“Couldn't go on? You'll give the performance of your life!”
“I detest cheap sentiment.”
“He wants me, he needs me.”
“There never was, and there never will be, another like you.”
“That I should want you at all suddenly strikes me as the height of improbability...”
“She entered, quite unexpectedly, stark naked. She has been a STAR ever since.”
“I'm nobody's fool, least of all yours.”
“What a story! Everything but the bloodhounds snappin' at her rear end.”
“I will regard this great honor not so much as an award for what I have achieved, but a standard to hold against what I have yet to accomplish.”
“You have a point. An idiotic one, but a point.”
“We are all busy little bees, full of stings, making honey day and night. Aren't we honey?”
“You can always put that award where your heart ought to be!"
"POOR Eve!"
"How nice for you, how nice for Eve, how nice for everyone."
"I'll admit I may have seen better days... but I'm still not to be had for the price of a cocktail!”
“I developed that cynicism the day I discovered I was different from little boys!”
“He looks thirty-two. He looked it five years ago; he'll look it twenty years from now. I hate men.”

Other lines either spoken to or about Bette:
"Go on! Make fun of me! You think it's fun making fun of me!"
"Got the shakes, Aunt Charlotte?"
"What a dump!"
“But you are! You are in that chair”
“How about a little din-din?”
"But'cha AAH Blanche, yah AAH”
“I only let you kiss me cause you begged me! And afterward I wiped it off, I WIPED IT OFF!”
“I’d kiss you but I just washed mah hair.”

Stephen King Lines:
“I don't think ANY of you have ANY idea of just how NASTY what you did really was.”
“He took me, the stink of roadhouse whiskey on his breath, and I liked it! I liked it!”
“Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.”
“It has nothing to do with Satan, Mama. It's me. Me.”
“I had a fucking nervous breakdown, mother!”
“Red. I might have known it would be red.”
“Husbands die all the time . . . they die and leave their wives their money”
“I should've killed myself when he put it in me.”
“It's a depressingly masculine world, Dolores.”
“You'll get canned for this, you bitch!”
"Sometimes Delores, an accident can be an unhappy woman’s best friend."
“You’re a dirty bird. A DIRTY BIRD!”
“It was bad, Mama. They laughed at me.”
“You can choke on it for all I care just get it out of your mouth.”
“I can see your dirty pillows. Everyone will.”
“And now the devil has come home.”
“I didn't kill that bitch any more than I'm wearing a diamond tiara.”
“We're gonna sit down and have ourselves a drink! And after we're done - after I'M done, you can run upstairs and take whichever one of them little pills makes you feel the best.”
“Well, I'll get your stupid paper but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr. MAN!”
“I just wanted to tell you I'm your number one fan.”
“OOOH, I AM GOING TO PUT ON MY LIBERACE RECORDS!”

Other Lines:
"Does the phrase 'needle-dick the bug fucker' mean anything to you?"
"You sho is ugly"
“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?"
"Well sometimes I get the menstrual cramps real hard."
"Get AWAY from her, you BITCH!"
"They're always coming and going, and going and coming, and always too soon."
"Excuse me while I whip this out."
“Why...I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl...”
"SPARKLE, Neely, SPARKLE!"
"I would like a mind-altering substance, preferably one so strong it will cause my unborn children to grow gills."
“You’re CHEAP and horrible!”
“Sing out Louise!”
"These lungs are trained"
"It will put the lotion on its body or it will get the hose again"
"Sorry, dear, but you KNOW how the queens love me."
"Big mistake. Huge!"
“It looks like young men playing leap frog.”
"Just grab a tool and start banging!"
"If I can bring a little joy into your humdrum little lives.”
"I AM serious, and stop calling me Shirley!"
“Shouldn't you be holding the crucifix? It is THE prop for martyrs!”
"Ah, sweet mystery of love at last I've found you!"
"It must be weird, not having anybody cum on you."
“Don't worry about that. I'M very maternal. And Albert's practically a BREAST.”
“Look mama, I’m beautiful!”
"Come back when you've fucked some of that baby fat off.”
"You're a vile, sorry little bitch!"
“You has my sympathy. I don't know too many women who lets their husband's ho lay up in they house.”
“If you throw yourself away on some dormitory slut you'll be sorry for the rest of your life. There, enough said, no more, subject closed.”
"I am big! Its the pictures that have gotten smaller."
"Gays in the military, that’s just silly. I mean those colors, those haircuts... who cares???”
"He sure do got a pretty mouth."
"Now, SQUEEL like a pig!"
“One does want a hint of color?”
“How do you think I feel? Betrayed, bewildered...”
"I didn't make him for YOU."
“I kill with my cunt”
"What, this old thing? Why, I only wear this when I don't care what I look like"
"Try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot!"
“That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman.”
"If I were a ranch they'd call me the Bar None"
"You're not too bright. I like that in a man."
"Years from now, when you talk about this, and you will; be kind."
"Is that the way it's going to be? 6 or 7 quick ones and it's off with the boys to boast and brag...”
"Nice girls don't wear cha-cha heels"
"Personally, I'm convinced that alligators have the right idea. They eat their young."
“No-one's ever going to shag you if you cry all the time.”
“Good girls go to Heaven. Bad girls go everywhere.”
"Did you ever get cum in your eye? IT BURNS!"
"Were you poor? Did you eat chicken pot pies?"
“Normalcy is coursing through my veins."
"You'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the REST of your life."
“I’m SHOCKED, shocked. I tell you!”
"Nobody puts Baby in a corner."
"Do you like Gladiator movies?"

Ruminations on Men and Their Lovely Nude Bodies.
A Gay Eye


Gay male art, not just the male nude, is what interests me. Like most gay men I love to look at pictures of naked men. As an art student in Albany New York I learned to love looking at paintings of naked men. I quickly figured out that I looked at them differently than my male classmates. I slowly realized that I also looked at them differently than my female classmates.




I believe I have a gay eye, a gay way of seeing the nude male form. I don’t look with desire or lust or even “an appreciation of beauty” as a woman might look at a nude man. I also do not look at the male figure as a thing apart, like an object, as men see women’s bodies in art. As a gay man I think of it as an extension of what I want to be, also what I want to possess, and what I want to be “out there” that represents me.

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The classic male form (as represented here) is what I wanted to do in college and have attached to my public self. It is “THE CLASSIC MALE NUDE”: some kind of “pose” that doesn’t make anyone really uncomfortable to look at. We get to concentrate on the skill of the rendering and think of all that flesh and muscle like we would a pretty flower, or the meticulous rendering of a bird.





Illustration was always a way to put the nude male in the public eye in a non-threatening way. Now it seems it’s all about the “sexually charged man”. Advertisements are ambiguous enough to be aimed at men, women, gay men and even children! What you want. What you want to be. What you want to become.



Phillip Core represents the closest you can go to out right voyeuristic adoration of the male form while still having the focus be something other than “the naked guy in the middle of the picture”. Like Paul Cadmus he wants me to ogle the men but still puts them in some context that makes staring at them secondary. This painting of a beautiful young man showing off his tattoos, and some others like it, are just a few props away from the out right leering that came when gay men gave up the pretense of needing an excuse to gawk.





Clive Barker, the horror novelist and director, has a very odd perspective on the male figure. As a painter he seems to combine a whimsical skill with a disturbing and dark content, which I love. His nudes both attract and repel. They have what I think of as a “gay” view because they have a sexual tension that borders on obsession. His books are wonderful, his movies mesmerizing; but in his paintings he seem to reveal much more about what it means to be a gay man lusting after “flesh” and the consequences which come from that. He reminds me most of Michelangelo at the end of his life. I am thinking of that last haunting self -portrait where he depicts himself as reduced to the flayed skin held up by the imp/devil in The Last Judgment. Go to Clive Barker’s homepage at: http://www.clivebarker.com/html/visions/gallery/gall.html for more on a modern moralist painter.










Mel Odem’s men exsist in a world of highly sexually charged romance. Every portrait gets me wondering what is happening BELOW the waist…










An artist I enjoy a lot is a guy named Ryon. The men are definitely there to be looked at, but posed in a very odd way. They are almost natural - but somehow not. He seems to mimic all the old tricks painters used to represent nude men with out screaming GAY, but in a way that just makes them obviously gay. How many painters can get away with a naked guy Christina’s World? If anyone has the link to this guy’s web page, please email me, I lost it and now cry each and every night thinking I’m missing out on his new paintings.







This stuff is the “gay guy” preoccupation with dick that is all over the place. Thanks Tom of Finland, you created a generation of men that couldn’t get enough DICK. It is the focus and the point of all this art. Highly explicit, and with no apologies about it’s subject matter, it seems to say to gay men; WELL HERE IT IS! My only question is: Now what?









I love to collect art that served as something else, nude men on coins and stamps or in print ads and especially – book covers. Is this stuff for the trade paperback market or for the gay guys? You decide. http://bostonwill.20megsfree.com/index.html






Another master of the form is Sargent. He made his name and his living at grand portraits, but thought his real fame would be his GRAND MURALS, it wasn’t. His portraits are his best work. However, the nude studies he did for his murals and his “throw-away” quick sketches of nude men (he even used a nude man as the model for Athena in the Boston Public library) have a charm and an appeal all their own. What he might have accomplished without the Victorian prudishness about sex and nudity he one of the great sorrows of the art world, let alone the gay world.

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Send me a little mail and let me know what you think!




Male Art Site Click here for the original page I wrote. Careful, it's crazy with (nasty) pop-ups but has more art.

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Galdor Craeftig.

Am I getting old, should I wear my trousers rolled?
Do I dare to eat a peach?

I LOVE T.S.Elliot! Has anyone EVER given dorky asexual gay guys a better champion. What did all those turn of the century "modern" closet-cases do before T.S.? Oh THE VALIDATION!!!!!!
But seriously, "the jew on the windowsill" racism not withstanding, he did have a way with words.

---

We have to think of them as forever bailing,
Setting and hauling, while the North East Lowers
Over shallow banks unchanging and erosionless
Or drawing their money, drying sails at dockage;
Not as making a trip that will be unpayable
For a haul that will not bear examination.

SOMEONE give this guy a razor!
Or, as T.S. would have stated it "I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope."
No, actually I love him, I really really, honest to god
, I do.

Well? Any words of wisdom? Any propositions? Had the experience but missed the meaning? OK, now I'm just being pissy. But really, give me a fag like WHITMAN!

---

I have heard what the talkers were talking
.... the talk of the beginning and
the end
But I do not talk of the beginning or
the end.

There was never any more inception than
there is now,
Nor any more youth or age than there
is now,
And will never be anymore perfection
than there is now
Nor any more heaven or hell than there
is now

Urge and urge and urge,
Always the procreant urge of the world.

Out of the dimness opposite equals
advance.... Always substance and
increase, always sex.
Always a knit of identity.... always
distinction.... always a breed of life.

Now THAT'S a man I could love!

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Fort Lauderdale or BUST!


Gino asked me to travel down to Fla. to help him move. He flew up and I rented a SUV for the long haul down. We decided to take as long as it takes and then I would fly back (CHEAP Airfare).

It was so much fun...

(Fun post moved to a different, more sex obsessed, blog of mine)

Posted by bostonwill at 12:01 AM EDT

Updated: February 18, 2006 1:09 PM EST

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